Tomorrow Changes Lives

A year ago today, I was head over heals in love with my boyfriend. A year ago tomorrow, I was a newlywed. Crazy, huh? Not to us. It was so...us. We knew we wanted to marry each other for months at that point, but we had never really talked about when. Turns out it was tomorrow! We went from engaged to married in a matter of hours. It was perfect. We went to the Bell County Courthouse after work for the wedding festivities. Let me tell you, it is far too easy to get a marriage license in the state of Texas. You don't need witnesses, blood tests, and there is no waiting period. It's like BAM. Automatic everything! Ah, so is the culture of a military town. Anyway, it worked out well for us.

We only told a couple of our friends just hours before we went to the courthouse. Everyone was surprised, but not that surprised. After all, we're perfect for each other :) I think the common understanding about courthouse weddings are that they are for quicky, meaningless weddings. Not for us. For us, it was perfect. It was just as meaningful as your wedding day should be, actually more than it usually is, I believe. Why? We cut out all the stressful wedding planning and coordinating and MONEY and time that we didn't want to deal with. Some people can handle this on their wedding day, I could not, and I knew I didn't want to. I had always thought that eloping might be the right choice for me, turns out it was. After all, to quote my pastor who "re-married" us months later, who quoted "When Harry Met Sally," "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Perfect.

One issue with this day that I didn't deal with until later was family. I didn't tell my family I was getting married that day. Looking back, I wish I could say I regret it, especially since I hurt some people I love, but I don't regret it. My family means the world to me, and I hate disappointing them. I was afraid if I told them we were getting married, they would try to stop us. Not because they didn't agree with it, but because they would've wanted to be there. I didn't want anyone to say "No, no! Wait a couple more days and we'll fly out there" or "No, no! Why don't you just wait a couple months and get married here!" Anything they would have possibly told me would have been valid reactions that I would've given to someone in my position as well. However, I didn't want to think about accommodating anyone. I wanted to marry Ryan and he wanted to marry me. We could've waited, we could've flown to NC or Oregon so our families would be there, but we didn't want to. And honestly, if any day is about us and nobody else, isn't it our wedding day?

My only regret is, I didn't tell them after the fact. I waited a week or so and told everyone we were getting married that day. Why did I do that? I don't know. I guess I didn't want anyone to be mad with me! I have a talent for making crazy life decisions that upset people I love, and I HATE it. I HATE disappointing people and being less than accommodating. So, I do regret that part. I wish I would've called everyone the next day and said "Ryan and I got married yesterday and it was glorious." But, I didn't. I waited weeks, months in some cases to tell everyone the exact day we got married. I started to kind of like the anonymity for some reason. Quite bizarre, can't really explain it. Maybe it was the sense of control over the situation, which I don't have often.

I feel like my blog so far has consisted of venting and making amends with people, and I'm okay with that. So today, is amends, with anyone I wasn't truthful with because I was selfish and scared, to an extent. I'm not sorry we got married the day we did and didn't tell anyone, but I am sorry I didn't let you celebrate with us sooner. Because, really, what a joyous thing to celebrate! So, amends for today is done. But, tomorrow...tomorrow is for love. I reserve tomorrow for love.