J-O-B

My life kind of revolves around my job these days. Not by choice, I just have nothing better to focus on. I have no doubt my honey will save me when he gets here in 2 weeks : ) But, for now, I work. What do I do at this job? I study. All day. 8-10 hours a day. This may sound boring to some, but I enjoy it. This may surprise some people who know me only from high school/college, because I was not one to study back then. I figured out the key: If you are interested in what you have to learn, it is FAR easier to study. I don't just study though, I research a great deal as well. So research and study, so vague, right? Not really, that's actually what I do. The true question is, what do I research/study? I had to think long and hard about this because it's easy to simply say "Physics" or "History" or "Football" or whatever it is that one may study. However, I feel that what I study is much more epic than just one word. I study...the decline of society in a given area.  Does that sound depressing? It is. I don't get to study anything that reflects positivity. No success, no happiness, no prosperity, and no God.  My life at work is dedicated to these things. It's always interesting, but definitely brings me down. Even worse, I think it makes me a downer on others as well. I feel as though sometimes I dominate conversations with negative things, because these negative things are what I am "smart" about.  I don't want to be like that.  So, If I've done that to you, I apologize.  I truly do.  I have a couple people in mind specifically, but I'll just put it out there to everyone.  The decline of society.  Why is it declining?  Who is making it decline?  Is it because of what they are doing or what they are not doing that is causing this?  Is it a person or group or country or religion?  Why are they doing this?  How can we make them stop?  Should we make them stop?  Can we make them stop? And what are the repercussions....of everything?  I think you're beginning to understand why I have sleepless nights and anxiety at times.  I have been trained to have my mind in overdrive.  And trained well I think.  I actually think I'm pretty good at it.  This type of job fits my mind and way of thinking to a tee.  And I am oh, so thankful for that.  I just get quite compulsive with it at times which leads to sleepless nights.  Just think, this is your job, and you have all these questions to ask, and answer.  What if there is no answer?  Do you fail?  Are you a failure?  Or has God not created an answer?  Is it in a divine plan to not solve this...or do I just not know enough to solve it.  Whew, it's pretty heavy.  I bet you are asking yourself, why do I do this?  And that answer, my friends, is easy.  Because I want to help.  It is part of my being to care.  I may not make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things, but I've had glimpses.  I hope I remember those glimpses.  And I hope people will remember that I cared when I am gone.  One of the best compliments Ive ever gotten was nearing the end of my last day at my previous job, in the same line of work.  Someone dear to me said, "Not many people care like you."  Thanks Jesse, even if you never read this.