I work in a large building with miles of hallways. These hallways are filled with hundreds of people I do not know, and probably will never know. I'm not upset about it, it's just the way it is. What I am upset about is the hallway etiquette in this large building with it's miles of hallways. Maybe I have been so far removed from the corporate world that I was unaware of this calamity. Are you aware of it? You don't know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about people not locking eyes with you, people staring at a blank wall instead of looking at you, or the worst....people locking eyes with you when you say "Good morning" and then glancing away as if they didn't hear you. You know you heard me, jerk. I have one question for the culprits in my building that subscribe to this nonsense: What the hell is wrong with you? Scratch that, I have many more questions. Who raised you? Why are you so uncomfortable? What the hell is so great about your life that you can't even say good morning back to me? It is so simple, people. Do you know how it feels to smile at people as they walk by and to have them, rather than reciprocate, immediately dart their eyes toward the floor or stare into the great unknown. You don't know how it feels? I do. I feel pissed off. It's embarrassing. Want to get rejected by a stranger 30+ times a day? Get a job working with me. It's like a rejection jackpot. Needless to say, I don't appreciate being rejected by strangers, who are probably losers anyway, let's be honest. I can't let them have all the power! So, I changed that power dynamic today, and it was about damn time. I introduce you to, Hallway Mad-dogging! I'm actually very proud of it. Today, every time I passed someone in the hallway, I made sure they paid me the attention I am due. I mad-dog the hell out of them. I stare them down like I know they're about to steal something. I make it uncomfortable for them, and not for me. I change it up a little everytime. Sometimes it's just a blank stare, sometimes I put some fury behind my eyes, but most of the time I just try and look just a little bit crazy. Then here's the kicker...you have to say "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" until they respond...regardless of how many times you have to say it. Usually by the third time, they'll answer. They better. They just got mad-dogged. This was going great today, until I was around my 12th mad-dog of the day, when someone not only responded to me, but stopped to chat. What? I didn't ask for all that. I just wanted you to display some common decency. Chat? Gross, I don't know you. What do you think I am, crazy? Note to self: Don't mad-dog that guy again. So, I challenge you, wherever you are throughout the day, be it a hallway like mine, a grocery store, a lumber mill, when people don't respond to you, think of me, then mad-dog them. Mad-dog them like hell.
DS update: He told me today we have another company lunch next week...but he whispered it so people wouldn't know he's talking to me. He asked if he could ride with me again. I said loudly, "No way Jose." He said, "I'm not Jose." He wins every time.
Haha, I love this idea! I don't know why I hadn't thought of it. I've experienced this dillemma oh so often. In fact, this was actually the way the Army was for me a lot of the time too because a lot of people didn't want to salute or be seen talking to an officer I guess. I didn't care so much about the saluting but hello! I said good morning to you crazy! I'm curious about the grossy who stopped to chat now. Also, DS is a weirdo. I am glad you are not letting that creep into your car. If you did, your seats might get stained with beet juice this time. So not cool.
ReplyDeleteAlso, funny thought, how do you think it would feel knowing that you look so much like someone else that you would not have to even purchase a costume for Halloween for people to think you've dressed up? Or, imagine if DS did "dress up" like Dwight for Halloween . . .
ReplyDeleteOk, so DS sounds pretty funny to me. AND I kind of like the mad dogging idea. I personally like to force people to talk to me. Kill them with kindness. You may end up brightening their day!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a hallway to mad-dog down! The people I work with are quite friendly and I pretty much chat with all 10 of them everyday:) I rarely see anyone outside of my section unless it is in the parking lot. And "I'm not Jose" almost made me cry with laughter. He is DS! I love you and your funny blog!
ReplyDeletehahahaha this is a good idea, im a bit worried though that someone may fear you and have you commited! ha!
ReplyDeleteKaren Some days I have to work, on the sidewalk outside, where the car riders unload at EBES. Well it is my goal for each child to have a nice start to their day. So I say "Good Morning" to each one. Well, they soon leaned that I would "mad-dog" them all the way to the class to get a responce.
ReplyDeleteIt's still the south...say good morning when you're spoken to. That's why society is in decline...no one has common decency anymore.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your car apparently needs a Schrute Farms bumper sticker. That would be awesome.